Just A Dream
by AryxCuratrix
Summary: "I had loved somebody, and I now pay the price. Maybe, just maybe... she still loves me. Guess everything that happened between us was just a dream." James thinks about Lily's breakup with him while he drinks. Based from Nelly's "Just A Dream".


**Disclaimer****: I do not own Harry Potter nor Nelly. Besides, I'm just **_**basing **_**the story from Nelly's Just A Dream because apparantly, I'm no Gryffindor to plagarize or whatever. Like my previous songfic, I suggest listening to the song, understand the lyrics and reading this. Much better understanding the connections, really. Maybe there's going to be a sequel. **

**Word count: 1185**

James uncapped the firewhiskey bottle with a little _POP! _and gulped an alarming amount of the warm, honey-tasting liquid. The liquid set fire to James's neck, running down his throat until finally stopping to settle in his stomach. The only three thoughts in his head were racing so fast he couldn't grasp them. He saw his own face, complete with the messy, raven hair, black-rimmed, round glasses and hazel eyes. He saw Lily Evans, the girl of his dreams. His breath caught in his throat as he recalled the emerald eyes and the red hair he used to love. A beautiful old picture of them was clutched in his hand. His arm was slung over Lily's shoulders and Lily's arm was on his waist because she said "I'm too short and I like your waist anyway. Don't look at me like that, James!" and stuck her tongue out. So there James was, looking at her dubiously while Lily stuck her tongue out with her eyes closed. They were so happy there. What changed? As I chugged down another insane amount of whiskey, I gently closed my eyes and thought, _Guess it was only just a dream. _

Thoughts raced in my mind as I searched for happy memories. None came so I just reduced myself to choking back tears and delving in my wishful thinking. The images of her bursting through the wooden door and returning home just squeezed his stomach with a want, a _need. _I turned to stare at the wooden door as if it would open and reveal the woman he loved most. _It was only just a dream... _James shut his eyes tightly and almost lost his grip on the firewhiskey bottle.

He used to be at the top of the world, at the top of her _Must Love Unconditionally _list. James used to be the only man she ever said, "I love you," to besides her father. She also was his first girlfriend, no matter how many times people say he had a million in the past. Marauders don't toy with girls' hearts... not even boys'. As James drank, he realized that Lily, being the usually charming and lovely, angelic girl she is and will always be, must have found a replacement by now. James choked. He can't call Lily "his" now, but that boy must sure feel lucky. Lucky that he wasn't ditched or found not good enough.

James couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't do anything without her besides drink. Anything else besides drinking was difficult like one of those muggle all S.A.T.s or something. Whatever, James didn't care. James thought back to the time he went to the jewelry store and saw the most lovliest engagement ring he had ever seen. It was silver, and a good amount of silver vines wrapped themselves around a beautiful emerald while dark violet flowers glowed happily in the corners, even if they were so tiny. James bought it, but he waited too long to propose. James realized the bottle was empty and in a raging fit he threw it in the wall, thus the bottle shattered upon impact, a million glass shards breaking from the bottle. James growled. The very small amount of alchohol that was still in the bottle fanned out, something like Lily's red hair always did when she slept. He could just picture her beautiful face and run his hands through her hair... when she was his and he was hers. But she left him uptight and in a dark, black hole he would never get out of. She never knew it, but even though she wasn't his, he would always be hers.

And James thought about her as he uncapped another bottle filled with Rosmerta's strongest whiskey, saving it for heartbroken, hoplessly and hard-to-get-to people. Gave it to James in an instant when she saw his demeanour, saying she knew that look and gave him a whole boxful for free. In return she got a watery and sad but firm smile.

James sees Lily every turn. The people all around him look like her, the odd shops that Lily loved to go to, the old clothes Lily liked to wear, they were all around him. The books Lily loved suddenly turned famous as he could see them left and right. James had almost had a mental breakdown on the streets. Sirius and Remus tried to get his usher back, even James himself, but it never did work. Everything in his life without Lily would _not _go right. She's the only person James yearns to be with right now. Every second, every minute every hour. He would walk to the ends of the Earth for her. She's the only one who could fill up the huge gaping hole in his chest she had herself made.

_Maybe I didn't give her all my love, _James thought bitterly. _Now I get my payback. _Even as James thought that as he walked to the club, it sounded really ridiculous. He loved Lily with all his heart, with every fibre of his being. He opened the door and was greeted by the sombre sound of people dancing slowly, people drinking and people wasting themselves in the night. No magic was used, and it was just very sad, very depressing. James felt welcome. He heaved himself in a seat and ordered the strongest whiskey they had. The bartender had smiled at him reassuringly and gave him his drink. He gulped it down, thinking about how Lily would frown upon him if she saw him now. Maybe. Maybe she just didn't give a damn about him, James thought bitterly.

She was so easy to love what with her good lucks and charming personality. The way that she would walk, talk, swear... everything. She held James tightly and only James, but now she had let him go. He loved her... but maybe she finally found out that he wasn't enough for her perfect self. Maybe she's happy now with someone equally perfect...

Everytime James sat by the telephone, he goes through the facts and the imaginitive imagination hehave. He seperates them and categorizes them, all the while wishing that Lily would pick up the phone. The phone sometimes rang all afternoon and even James, usually patient until the apocalypse, got irratated. He had kicked the phone shortly with much force, but not enough to break it. She made her decision to move on, James guessed. _Finally knew that I am the worst possible one to date. Guess I was wrong to just selfishly get her even though I'm not good for her_. Although James knew it was wrong, he still thought about her, day and night. Still checked her profile in Facebook on what she was doing. Lily totally forgot him, he knew. Lily never did block him. He doesn't deserve even a _photograph _of him and Lily. He got a bottle and basically threw it in his mouth.

_I had loved somebody, and I now pay the price. Maybe, just maybe... she still loves me. Guess everything that happened between us was just a dream. _


End file.
